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Joke of the Day

"If your child builds a snow fort, by law, they have to move out and reside in it."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water?... You're gonna have to give me a minute to get hard, I just got laid by some chick."

"What are unicorns who want better working enviroments for their fellow employees? Unioncorns."

"KFC and pimps are similar. They both sell breasts and thighs."

"Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was"

"Just got a temporary tattoo. Now I can't be buried in a Jewish cemetery for the next three days."

"""I think you should hire a contractor. . .some of this looks load bearing."" - me, when asked to ""raise the roof"" at parties. . ."

"What do you call a gangster who is really in touch with his emotions? An emo-g "

"Damn girl that's a very red bike. Are you a menstrual cyclist?"

"This guy told me he got a puppy for his wife... ...wish I could make a trade like that!"