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Joke of the Day
"""You had a life. It was this long. Here's a rock."" - tombstones"
Next Joke
"Randomly play a recording of a candy bar wrapper being opened just to keep your kids on their toes."
"My friend said trepanning is a bad idea... ...but it's okay, he's just close-minded."
"My son walks in on me masturbating. He asks me what am i doing. I say, don't worry son you will be doing it soon. Why dad? he asks. Because my arm is getting tired."
"Me: I only wanted a little mayo! I can't eat this! Him: Does it matter that much? Me: Well, would you like me to stab you a little or a lot?"
"*juror stands up to read verdict* ""we find the defendant v handsome and think that he looks great in the grey muscle vest he wore on Monday"""
"The color black is out drinking with his friends. Black says to the bartender, ""Hey, something isn't right. Where is all the color white?"" Bartender says, ""dude, this is a gray bar."
"""Hi, my name is Gary and I'm a shopaholic, my favorite place to shop is the alcohol store."""
"I'm just a girl, standing in my kitchen, forgetting what I came in here for."
"I thought I kept all my David Fincher DVDs safely, but... I lost The Game."