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Joke of the Day

"Randomly play a recording of a candy bar wrapper being opened just to keep your kids on their toes."

"wanna hear a science joke? Psychology"

"I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help. I told her I don't have the money to hire a hitman."

"I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, clothe, school, and inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there."

"What's the difference between an old bus station and a lobster with a boob job? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!"

"I once tried eating a clock it was very time consuming"

"I decided to be vegan! Until I realized that it was a missed steak"

"An untalented gymnast walks into a bar."

"I was looking at my bank statement and realized I was a .1 percent-er I don't know why anyone wants to be one, it's a crappy interest rate."

"Why did the gymnast's account get sent to collections? She had an outstanding balance."