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Joke of the Day

"Mozart, Beethoven, and Schwarzenegger are getting ready to throw a Halloween party. Mozart turns to Arnie and asks, ""what's your costume going to be?"" ""I'll be Bach"""

"Did you hear about the dislexic, agnostic, insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog."

"Why do bald men cut holes in there pockets? To run their hands through their hair"

"The people I worked with in IT were so nice The even took the time to show me ""4"" in binary every single day"

"How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement."

"What do you call two lonely bastards drinking together? Two bastards."

"One of my favorite things about kids is that you only have to feed them once a week"

"When Lionel Messi dies.. He should have his Argentinian team mates bury him so they can let him down one last time.."

"[speed dating] Anyway, do you have a baby hedgehog? ""No."" *I take a deep breath and roll my eyes* [timer beeps]"

"So I bought some shoes from a drug dealer today. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."