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Joke of the Day

"Me: ugh. The radio these days is full of bad news. Burglary over there, stabbing over here. Just turn it off please Arresting officer: no"

"Why are US flags different in San Francisco? They have gay bars."

"""To infinity (bed, bath) and beyond!"" - Buzz Lightyear settles down"

"What do you call a person who speaks three languages Trilingual What do you call a person who speaks 2 languages Bilingual What do you call a person who speaks 1 language American"

"Immediately after walking into a store with your spouse, stop, block the entrance, and discuss why you both came. It's all good. I'll wait."

"A man was found dead in an ice cream van covered in nuts and sprinkles Police say he topped himself"

"Q. Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome a good lover and a stimulating partner? A. In the pages of a romance novel."

"Mrs Smith the biology teacher was very fond of fish. She was also rather deaf which was great for the children in her class. ""What Mrs Smith needs"" said one of her colleagues ""is a herring-aid."""

"Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen that said 'Parking Fine'."

"Drunk girls shouldn't even be allowed to have phones."