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Joke of the Day

"Why did Chris Benoit quit wrestling? He wanted to hang with his family. "

"What's the difference between a thief and a pervert? A thief ~~steals~~ snatches your watch, a pervert watches your snatch. EDIT: I've done fucked it up."

"Kim Kardashian was robbed of her jewellry in Paris. The robbers had a tip off that she had lots of booty."

"*phone rings* SATAN: Hey I bought your soul on Craigslist last week? ME: No returns SATAN: Please. It's making me sad"

"I don't always give her an orgasm, but when I do.. She spits it back at me."

"What do you call a cow in a Russian forest? A moss-cow. Alternative answer: dead."

"Civil War spoilers Lee surrenders at Appomatox Courthouse, Abe Lincoln is shot by John Wilkes Booth."

"For some reason my dad thinks I'm a private investigator. He keeps calling me a dick."

"Why is it a long and expensive process for fruit to get married They just cantelope"

"After seeing some of the names on kids these days, you wonder if their parents were going all in for the Triple Word Score."