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Joke of the Day

"Ok son, the bad news is, your dog died while u were at school. The good news however, I found a vape pen in a tree mmmm onion flavor"

"There's something about pressing F5... Thats just so refreshing"

"""Honey, it's not that I don't like your cooking, it's just that the smoke's about to asphyxiat our family."" ""WHAT'D YOU SAY ABOUT MY ASS??"""

"Keep your friends close & your enemies, in your trunk. Unless you're crossing a border. Then don't do that."

"It's going to be a cold day today in Motown...... Three Degrees, Four Tops."

"What position makes the ugliest children? Ask your parents"

"How do you know the Japanese mass murderer was a chef? He spent his day cutting up vegetables"

"Wait come back, I didn't mean it when I was just being myself"

"Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than a surprise party."

"The very first thing you learn in life is how to think outside the box."