75733

Joke of the Day

"I just got fired from my noose making job :( I was there for several months, but I just couldn't get the hang of it."

"Man, the way these journalists are complaining it's like they only went to Sochi to use doorknobs and go poop."

"What do you call a floating potato? A levi-tater."

"I don't know what it is that makes you stupid but whatever it is it works."

"What language does a Jewish homosexual speak? Heblew"

"If I had a nickel for every gender... I'd have ten cents and a dead meme"

"Jeb Bush: ""The Pope should not discuss climate change because he's not a scientist, although if elected, I will be your wife's gynecologist"""

"Her: You have very beautiful hair. Me: Oh, you flirt! *Hands me her card* Her: If you're ever thinking about selling it, call me..."

"Mom: Hey honey who are you talking too? Me: My girlfriend. Mom: Don't lie to me you fatass! You're ordering pizza aren't you? Me: ( ._. )"

"My parties got a hundred times better when I realized if I didn't invite anybody I could eat all the snacks."