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Joke of the Day

"Man, the way these journalists are complaining it's like they only went to Sochi to use doorknobs and go poop."

"A man walked into a bar. Ouch!"

"Why is America home to the majority of comedians? Lax pun control laws."

"Bring an urn speed dating. Whenever a prospective match asks a question, whisper to urn, ""I don't know, Mom: should I tell him?"""

"Did you hear about Disney's new Star Wars/ Highlander crossover? The tag line is ""There can be Obi-Wan."""

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two... just don't ask me how they got in there."

"I dont pretend to be anything I'm not.. Except for sober I've pretended to be sober a few times"

"What did the French man say when he tripped down the stairs? Eiffel."

"The news about Charlie Sheen having HIV is the only positive thing I have been reading in my Facebook timeline all week. No pun intended."

"Did you hear about the guy with a jurisprudence fetish? He got off on a technicality."