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Joke of the Day

"Man, the way these journalists are complaining it's like they only went to Sochi to use doorknobs and go poop."

"A ""cup of Joe"" must mean something else entirely to a cannibal."

"Dear microwave companies, Why make us select ""cook"" at all? Does my appliance have a calculator function or something? Sincerely, Everyone"

"I got 99 problems... 100 of them are related to my inability to count."

"How much...? How much dick could a dik-dik lick if a dik-dik could lick dick?"

"So a bar walks into a guy 's asshole and the guy is like ""Fuck ouch dammit my prostate!"""

"Why can Severus Snape never become a gardener His lilies always die"

"If others are jealous, you're doing something right."

"A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer."

"I bet unscary monsters like to hang out at the back of marathons and imagine all the athletes are running from them."