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Joke of the Day

"Policeman: Why did you crash into that stop sign? Motorist: I was only following orders."

"Dad joke I just had with my girlfriend GF: *sigh GF: *sigh GF: *sigh Me: That's like 3 sighs in 30 seconds. GF: And they all probably meant different things. Me: I guess I need to know sigh language."

"I'm not sexist.... because being sexist is wrong, and being wrong is for women."

"Q: What do you call two blondes in a canoe? A: Fur traders."

"Special shout-out to various coworkers for keeping me warm during this chilly weather by wearing perfume that burns my eyes and lungs."

"What did the man say to the giant squid? What's kraken? JAJAJAJAJJAJJAJA"

"I asked my friend what keeps her up at night. She answered, ""helium."" Also, my friend is a balloon."

"My biggest fear is laughing at a joke I didn't understand and someone asks me to explain it to them."

"Apparently Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door, but his girlfriend was dead against it."

"What's Harry Potter's favorite way of getting down a hill? Walking Hahahah jk Rolling"