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Joke of the Day

"*watching The Revenant* *rewind* *play* *rewind* *play* *rewind* *play* Him: What are you doing? Me: Taking notes for when I fight a bear."

"Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it."

"The police are looking for a stole toilet from the police station. At the moment they have nothing to go on."

"What's it called when an Arabic author releases their latest novel after dinner? Post-Hummus"

"Words: For when an emoticon just isn't enough."

"What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything"

"I'm such a bad golfer, they should send me to Mars. I'm guaranteed to find water."

"What did the creepy scientist say to his new creepy wife? Let's grow MOLD together!"

"Ok children, what sounds did we hear on our field trip to the farm yesterday?...""Moo!"" ""Bahhh!"" ""Quack Quack""...""Get the Fuk off that tractor!!!"""

"News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring. Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat. Edit: this is /u/Onetap1's joke, credit goes to him"