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Joke of the Day

"*watching The Revenant* *rewind* *play* *rewind* *play* *rewind* *play* Him: What are you doing? Me: Taking notes for when I fight a bear."

"What's the similarity between Bill Cosby and Santa have in common? They both come when you're asleep."

"I'm writing a book about how people can free themselves from taking pictures of themselves. It's a selfie-help book."

"What'd the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam!"

"Cute Internet Girl: This guy is pretty funny, I think I'll fol- Me: *Human Cannonballs my way into her living room* HELLO!"

"How do you make an archeologist mad? Give them a bloody tampon and ask what period it's from"

"Is it all black people that have a problem with slavery? Or just mine ?"

"I say ""parched"" so everyone knows I'm thirsty AND an asshole."

"My brother is deaf and watches porn I turned the volume to max in his pc"

"Man walks in on his son A man walks in on his son masturbating, and gets really mad ""Hey, save that for when you are older!"" By the time the kid was 18, he had three jars full."