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Joke of the Day

"A man bets his wife she can't tell him something that will make him happy and sad at the same time. ""You have the biggest penis out of all your friends"" replies the wife."

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"I don't understand all the excitement over Usain Bolt I finish in under ten seconds all the time."
"I'm glad humans don't do the combo breed names like Labradoodle. I wouldn't want to tell people I'm Germish."
"""I want to take you home, pull off your jacket, run my hand down your spine and curl up with you on the couch."" -- bibliophiles, to books"
"[15 years ago] Mom: Use protection. I'm too young to be a nana [Now] M: I'll pay for the Russian mail order bride. I WANT GRANDCHILDREN!!"
"Best part of election night is seeing how fast states tabulate votes and judging the slow ones. What's up, Sloth Carolina?!"
"What do rednecks do on Halloween? Pump kin hope its not a repost - its one of my old favs"
"What did 1 volcano say to another volcano? That ash."
"I got mad at a rock today. I chopped it in half with my lightsaber. Now there are two rocks. Send help. Now."
"Hear about the blonde explorer? She bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara Desert."