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Joke of the Day

"I got mad at a rock today. I chopped it in half with my lightsaber. Now there are two rocks. Send help. Now."

"When playing tug of war with a 2yo, it's best to remember they're pulling really really hard and holy shit they travel fast when you let go"

"you got mad on your own you can get happy on your own -me giving a baby advice"

"I was going to make a gay joke.... butt fuck it"

"The first person to milk a cow probably saw a baby cow nursing and was like oh yeah people do that too and I have no food I don't wanna die"

"Why can't Mexicans play Uno? They always steal the green cards."

"What do you call a Mexican whose lost his car? Carlos"

"[Star Wars spoiler] What did Han.... Tell Leia after they separated? ----- *May Divorce be with you.*"

"Yo mama is so fat...that she broke a branch in her family tree!"

"""Who am I kidding?"" - blind comedians"