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Joke of the Day

"Maybe my grandma stayed married for 50 yrs because she never said stuff like ""I just wish he would support me, you know, creatively."""

"A clock asked another clock out... He was timezoned"

"Felt bad about hitting a car yesterday but I remembered to leave a note. Didn't have a pen so I used my key."

"I knew a shopaholic woman who routinely ended relationships. She couldn't pass up a good buy (good bye)."

"No matter how much you love someone, your whole world can change within 5 seconds of watching them run."

"My husband: It'd be nice to have a wife who cooked dinner. Me: ooo!! Can we get one?"

"Just before I die, I'm going to change my name to OFF'. That way, when the hearse is driving to the church, it will have displayed on top of my coffin in flowers: R.I.P. OFF"

"There was a spider in my bathroom so I threw the cat at it. The spider is dead but the cat's pretty pissed"

"If Russia attacked Turkey from the rear... Would Greece Help?"

"Did you hear the one about the baseball player murdered mid-game? He went down swinging!"