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Joke of the Day

"A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed. ""Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. ""Yes,"" replied the murderer. ""Will you hold my hand?"""

"Why should you never date an atom? The split is gonna be explosive"

"I got arrested for being drunk and disorderly, but I was just laughing hysterically at the cost of organic vegetables."

"What did one piano say to another? CBA"

"Cell phone. Recliner. Beer. Not at work. This homeless guy is living the dream from what I can tell."

"Twitter takes me places I've never been before. Take oncoming traffic for example."

"Travel Agent: Hello sir! Interested in a vacation? Me: *puts cat on the phone* [20 mins later] Travel Agent: I've got you booked for Maui"

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Dad."

"What did the mother tomato tell the baby tomato when the baby tomato was walking too slow? Honey, walk faster, KETCHUP!"

"Fat girls just want to have Funyuns."