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Joke of the Day

"Cell phone. Recliner. Beer. Not at work. This homeless guy is living the dream from what I can tell."

"Fencing proves that with enough rules even a sword fight can be boring as hell."

"Why are white people the scariest in prison? Because you know they're guilty."

"Hurricane Malt Liquor: Because the power shouldn't be the only thing experiencing a blackout this weekend."

"Friends- What did you get for your birthday? Her- He went to Jared Friends- You're engaged!!! Her- No Jared is our weed dealer"

"What's your favorite thing about earth? It's just got such a great atmosphere."

"A pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel between his legs The barkeep asks if he knows he has a wheel there.. He replies, ""Yarr, it be driving me nuts!"""

"What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky"

"Subway kid: Would you like your sandwich toasted? Me: No, I'm toasted enough for both us. In fact I'm kind of hoping it can drive me home."

"Yeah.. 2 Girls 1 Cup I used to fap to that til I realized it wasn't ice cream."