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Joke of the Day

"*Enters $100 daily Fitbit challenge* *Pays marathon runner $20 to wear my Fitbit* *Buys $80 worth of donuts*"

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"[murder scene] Snail detective 1-He left a decent trail SD2- Let's track him down *10 hours later* SD1-Damn that guy is fast"
"I think we all know Lincoln Chaffee won the Democratic debate last night."
"When pigs have a party who jumps out of the cake? Nobody. The pigs all jump in."
"I used to work at the factory that made fire hydrants. Couldn't park anywhere near the place."
"What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine? You don't have to hug a washing machine half an hour after it finishes"
"I m married a girl with acute angina... After a couple of kids it was gone."
"If he's dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all ""I still haven't gotten my period."""
"*hires 2 personal trainers and makes one of them train the other one*"
"The celebrity couple name for Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton is Clump."
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