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Joke of the Day

"It's perfectly fine to offer raisins to a guest (if nuclear winter is upon us & you're living in an underground bunker)"

"Getting grey hair hurts less when you say you're sprouting tinsel instead."

"How many PETA member does it take to change a lightbulb? Doesnt matter. PETA cant chqnge anything!"

"You know what's the difference between a housewife and a politician? The housewife thinks about doing her taxes while having sex. The politician thinks about having sex while spending your taxes."

"""Do me a solid"" just sounds like you're asking someone to poop for you and that's kinda gross."

"This is your pilot speaking. We'll be taking off shortly once our flight crew confirms that this is, in fact, an airplane"

"Gee this couple posted so many selfies during their trip. They must've had a great time proving us they had a great time."

"What do you call an elephant that doesn't keep up to date? irrelephant"

"The restraining order doesn't mean we can't hang. It just says I can't get within 50ft of you. You wanna play catch or Frisbee or something?"

"I deserve an Oscar for acting like I can see a baby when someone shows me an ultrasound pic"