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Joke of the Day

"Gee this couple posted so many selfies during their trip. They must've had a great time proving us they had a great time."

"[trying to make small talk with the lady cutting my hair] so what do you do for a living"

"My muslim neighbour invited me to this 'jihad party' he organised Everyone had a blast!"

"70% of all university students identify themselves as procrastinators. .. The other 30% haven't gotten round to it yet."

"What's the worst thing you can hear when your giving Willie Nelson a blowjob? ""I'm not Willie Nelson."""

"A guy says to a girl ""hey, can I smell your feet?"" She says ""NO!!"" ""Oh, it must be your pussy then."""

"Woozy woman comes up ""OMG I'm-I'm gonna faint!"" ""Go ahead, knock yourself out"""

"My wife asked me how I could love her and still enjoy watching porn. I told her, I love my car but I still watch NASCAR"

"What did one earring say to the other? You go on a head, i'll just hang round 'ere"

"Anyone who says ""on his person"" rather than ""on him"" is not only pretentious, but obviously doesn't think in 140 characters."