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Joke of the Day
"My dog recently stole my loafers. Now they're his new favorite pair of **chews.**"
Next Joke
"Patient: Doctor please kiss me! Doctor: I am sorry, I can't! My code of ethics forbids me to kissing my patients. Honestly speaking we should not be having sex either."
"You got problems with parenting... You start to get headaches. I follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle: ""Take two and keep away from children."""
"Calling 911 Hello 911 I'd like to report murder, this bitch killed my vibe"
"Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A: A pachydermatologist."
"If you pretend you're skimming you can straight up throw rocks at people."
"Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head."
"Knock knock! Come in."
"I drink black coffee Because I'm not racist."
"I scared 5 and he buzzed while we played operation. He went and told my wife on me. Long story short, I'm sitting in timeout tweeting this."