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Joke of the Day

"You got problems with parenting... You start to get headaches. I follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle: ""Take two and keep away from children."""

"I managed to hit 18 holes today... And I still have time for golf."

"What is the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker.. And a prostitute with diarrhea..? An epileptic oyster shucker, shucks between fits.."

"What do you get if you insert human DNA into a monkey? AIDS for humanity"

"Why did the crab take the last slice of pizza? Because he's shellfish!"

"I need a gun to protect me against those that want to harm me, a group mainly made up of people I've threatened with shoot with my gun"

"Is it okay to marry your second cousin? [xpost from /r/dadjokes] Sure, as long as you're legally divorced from the first one."

"How Long Does It Take A Black Woman To Take A Dump? 9 months."

"A man walks into a bar And tells a terrible joke about shooting your father. He will never do that again."

"When a store plays pop music half the time and classic rock the other half, you know there's two people working there that hate each other."