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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I went down on your moms sister at your BBQ... I guess you could say I'm... [lowers shades] An aunt-eater."

"When the machines rise up against us humans, I really hope ... ...I really hope I'm nowhere near a dildo factory..."

"I like my women like I like my coffee Ground up, dried out and stashed in the freezer."

"Email and social media only go so far. Today, pick up the phone and call a brand you love."

"What is a whales favorite pasttime? Netflix and krill."

"Yoshi meets Mario's parents. ""Nice to meet you, it's about time he's been riding me for years."""

"A buddy had a lawn mower accident and died after getting the ends of his feet cut off. Doctors diagnosed him as lack-toes intolerant"

"Imagine if Frodo was all ""Sauron's bad, but Gandalf's done some morally gray stuff, too, so I'll stay home."" Don't get eaten by orcs. Vote."

"[1st date] Me: don't let him know you're a lobster Him: we should check out my hot-tub later Me: 'yeah...sure' *nervously clicks claws*"