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Joke of the Day

"A teenager walks into a library. He asks the librarian, ""Where can I find a book on how to kill myself?"" The librarian retorts, ""Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"""

"Why is a divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it."

"She: Why don't we ever have sex anymore? Me: What's this ""we"" shit? I'm having plenty."

"My dog just ate a butterfly and probably saved Tokyo from a tidal wave. I don't understand science."

"Saying you like a lot of meat in your taco is received differently on Twitter than it is on Facebook. I know that now."

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."

"How come Apple-products have so small transistors? Children have very small hands"

"Three guys walk into a bar: an alcoholic, a priest, and a child molester... And that's just the first guy."

"Cop : HANDS IN THE AIR! Me: *drunk, starts flailing arms* Cop: NO, NOT LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE"

"Why did Hitler take suicide? Because of the lethal gas bill."