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Joke of the Day

"Uber driver just asked me ""how much would you pay to go swimming in the sky?"" I wish I hadn't seen how dilated his pupils were. Also, $975."

"[at my intervention] mom: some of us feel uncomfortable with your pinned tweet"

"Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say ""I could've done that."""

"Tragic: In the world every 60 seconds... ...One minute passes."

"What do female ghosts have? BooOOOooobs."

"Somebody keeps on putting topsoil on my allotment. The plot thickens..."

"If Jesus could see the way some Christians act today He'd be rolling in his grave"

"BLONDE ON BLONDE Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel."

"A reboot of Dexter, but this time he stalks and kills people who crunch their disposable water bottles as they drink."

"What's the most popular game to play in jail? Smash Brothers"