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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about that Air Asia flight? Air traffic control didn't."

"What do you call two lesbians in a closet? Licker cabinet."

"What's a pirate's favorite rapper? Kendrick Lamarrghhhh"

"By law, you are required to turn on your headlights if it's raining in Sweden. How the hell am I supposed to know if it's raining in Sweden?"

"Can I program my dvr to delete Whitney but keep the funny commercials?"

"Chuck Norris got bored of life, so he invented Ebola."

"I figured out why there are so many masturbation-related injuries that's when all the guardian angels cover their eyes"

"The minute the great man dies, cryogenics should be employed until a cure is found for old age and chest problems... Freeze Nelson Mandela!"

"[Seance] *knock, knock* ME: Wh-who's there? [ouija board spells out A-T-C-H] ME: atch who? [spells out B-L-E-S-S-Y-O-U] ME: Dammit, Grandpa!"

"Friend: ""Hey, that girl is cute. Can you put in a good word for me?"" Me: ""Sure"" *walks up to girl* *whispers* ""magnanimous"""