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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about Disney's new Star Wars/ Highlander crossover? The tag line is ""There can be Obi-Wan."""

"*stands by cucumbers at grocery store *feels intimidated *hides by baby carrots *gets ego boost"

"If 50 cent went broke what would he still have? lotta bills.."

"When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker."

"My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books but he's only got his shelf to blame."

"The heart wants what it wants, y'know? On an unrelated topic, I'm not allowed in Petco anymore."

"So a woman is chasing down an ice cream truck... ... And the ice cream man stops and says, ""What can I get for you, Ma'am?"" She says ""Nothing, just wanted to tell you I'm vegan."""

"Someone came up to me and stole my candle I was incensed!"

"A guy meets a fat chick at a convention [deleted]"

"Why was the doctor in a hurry to move to the big city? He was running out of patients."