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Joke of the Day

"Pro tip: Wives do not find it hilarious when you add a bunch of extra candles to their surprise birthday cake. I know this now."

"One day I'm probably going to be too lazy to breathe and just die."

"Why Did Barbie Never Get Pregnant? Because Ken always came in another box."

"The worst part about being narcoleptic is that you constantly get interru"

"Why was the African man wearing a wristwatch? He needed to hold up his pants."

"A recent study has found that 90% of dead people don't breathe. The other 10% didn't respond to the survey."

"The early bird gets the worm but the early worm gets eaten, so... I choose sleep."

"Tired of my wife saying I have no feelings. Do I not cry if you turn off Football? Do I not pout when I can't find good porn? I have layers."

"Whats better? Virtual porn or 4K porn? Neither you pervert..."

"Why did the rock star fail his depressing math exam? He couldn't get the saddest fraction."