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Joke of the Day

"Tired of my wife saying I have no feelings. Do I not cry if you turn off Football? Do I not pout when I can't find good porn? I have layers."

"What's the worst part about being a black Jew? You gotta sit in the back of the oven..."

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Do you know why I stopped? *silence* *a saxophone wails in the distance*"

"Goodnight moon, goodnight stars. Goodnight weird guy who walks past my house on crutches every night. Goodnight house on crutches."

"My friends holds her breath driving past cemeteries cause of superstition but I thought she just didn't want to be cocky about breathing"

"What do you call a story about a WW2 shipyard? A riveting tale."

"So I woke up to a blowjob this morning... That's the last time I fall asleep with my mouth open"

"Why don't cannibals eat comedians? They taste funny."

"What is an inconvenient truth with music? Algorithm."

"I hate it when I have lots of visitors but only enough chloroform for one and have to use it on myself."