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Joke of the Day

"One day I'm probably going to be too lazy to breathe and just die."

"What's the difference between a joke and two dicks? Your mom can't take a joke."

"I have a dream that my son will one day live in a nation where he will not be judged by the size of his boat but by the motion of his ocean."

"My girlfriend is the best! My girlfriend is a porn star. She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out."

"Neighbors across the street have their Christmas lights up, so I invited them to my Easter Egg hunt this afternoon."

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!"

"*looks through telescope* *telescope thinks you're looking at him and waves* *you wave at Jupiter behind* *telescope awkwardly lowers hand*"

"I knew Donald Trump was a bro as soon as I knew his taste in music. We both love The Wall."

"It's really hard to explain that your eyes are really red from allergies and not weed when you're buying cupcakes and a pound of Doritos."

"A Duck... ...didn't walk into a bar."