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Joke of the Day

"Wow!!! I farted into my iPhone and Siri told me what I had for breakfast."

"I'm so bad with directions that every time I try to go to Pound Town I end up in the Friend Zone."

"What is WILL.I.AM going to be called after he dies? WILL.I.WAS"

"What do you call someone who isn't a redhead but colors there hair red later in life? A trans-ginger"

"*At store buying school supplies* Son: I need hashtag 2 pencils"

"I recently came into a very large sum of money so they fired me from my job at the bank."

"I'm doomed to always think of the best comebacks the next day when the baby isn't even around."

"I can't love you. I'm still in love with a girl I saw in a toothpaste ad 15 yrs ago. She winced when she ate ice cream, I can't abandon her."

"Pizza is a good argument against nihilism."

"[dog park] Dog: omg I just found out I'm adopted Other Dogs: [barking in shock]"