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Joke of the Day

"What happens when you give Sigmund Freud and Oedipus a bunch of cocaine? A mother fucking awesome party."

"If the inventor of the iPhone battery ever ends up on life support in a hospital, I hope the back up power source is an iPhone battery."

"Cream? Sugar? Fuck you, I want 2 cubes of chicken bullion in my coffee. I've got man's work to do."

"I don't mean to brag but my stalker has OCD so he trims my bushes while he's hiding in them waiting for me to get home."

"What's a mole's favourite fruit? An Avagadro."

"Find a penny, pick it up. All day long you'll wtf, that thing is filthy. Wash your hands immediately."

"Why was the peanut rushed to the hospital? He was a""salted"""

"At first I was reluctant to fix my broken fence... but then I just had to repost."

"I don't care if you're black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor... I still hate you."

"am i supposed to have a separate mouth with which to kiss my mother please advise"