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Joke of the Day

"I don't mean to brag but my stalker has OCD so he trims my bushes while he's hiding in them waiting for me to get home."

"Did you hear the one about premature ejaculation? Too soon, man."

"What did the mathematician use to kill himself? An hypotenuse."

"I'm a virgin by choice. Just not my choice."

"You'd think a dude named Captain Crunch would have amazing abs."

"Whiteboards are remarkable"

"What do you get when you set a dog's tail on fire? Hopefully arrested you sick fuck... also a Dash-hound"

"HER: this isn't working out ME: is it because I'm too literal? HER: I just don't want to see you any more ME: ok *gently closes her eyes*"

"What's the worst thing about being an atheist? You have no one to call to when you're having an orgasm."

"I was out of tanning oil once, so I used PAM Cooking Spray. The tan didn't stick."