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Joke of the Day

"Why do nice guys always finish last? Because their girlfriends always cum first."

"Whenever I read the phrase ""We've changed our privacy policy,"" I just shrug and assume they already have pictures of me on the toilet."

"INTERVIEWER: under skills you've listed ""gets jokes"" ME: haha, very good. good one sir, haha"

"Your vaginas PH is so messed up... That you orgasm acid rain."

"I struggle against the ropes binding me, catching the scent of gas. ""You'll die too,"" I say. ""9 lives,"" my cat whispers, lighting a match."

"A man calls his family doctor: man: Doctor for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit. doctor: Ok bring her in and I'll try to help. man: Fine but whatever you do don't cure her."

"I saved my girlfriends phone number as LOW BATTERY'. Whenever she calls and I'm not around, the wife takes the phone and plugs it to the charger unknowingly."

"Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose"

"I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day."

"What's the difference between a stadium full of Dallas Cowboys fans, and 90,000 buckets of shit? 90,000 buckets."