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Joke of the Day

"I asked my friend from New Zealand how many times he'd had sex... but he fell asleep before he could tell me."

"Why is the Energizer Bunny such a slut? He takes 2 Ds at the same time"

"My boss asked if I had Facebook and I said sure and gave up the link. Then she asked about twitter. After an awkward silence I said, huh?"

"Cashier: how old r u? Me:*holding beer nervously* uuh 21 Cashier:*shaking his head sadly as he pulls Trix out of my cart* Trix are for kids."

"Sometimes, by holding on too tight, you end up losing what you were trying so hard to save. Soap, for example."

"Where do you hide after killing a black person? behind a badge"

"Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples."

"Do you have a little Irish in you? Well... Would you like some?"

"The Ouija board spells out WHAT'S UP GAYLORD and I'm like is there really no one else in the spirit realm besides my grandma?"

"What kind of dog did Jesus own a holy shih-tzu"