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Joke of the Day

"What lies on it's back a hundred feet in the air? A dead centipede."

"What did the janitor get for his birthday? A urinal cake."

"Why did the scarecrow get a promotion ? Because he was out standing in his field :)"

"Dear President of Mexico, DO NOT fall for Trump's old trick where he mumbles ""guypayingtobuildthewallsayswhat?"" and you say ""What?"""

"Opposites don't always attract. I've met several sane and normal people and found nothing about them appealing."

"Q: What do you call a girl with only one leg? A: Eileen"

"What do you call a Russian with Tourette's syndrome? Yukanol Fukov"

"I'm glad they call themselves attorneys-at-law. I wouldn't want to accidently hire an attorney-at-baking or an attorney-at-pottery."

"Mother: A carrot is just a vegan hotdog. *son looks at carrot* Mother: [desperate] Bugs Bunny eats them! Son: This is updoc. Mother: What's-"

"Whenever my mate Dave starts stuttering, I always try and lighten the mood. By pretending to scratch invisible turntables."