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Joke of the Day

"Rik Mayall jokes What does a man with a two-foot cock have for breakfast? This morning I had a boiled egg. Why did the pervert cross the road? He couldn't get his knob out of the chicken. RIP"

"How did Sarah Palin see Russia from her house? She didn't, it was just an Aleutian."

"99.9% of people are idiots Fortunately, I belong in the 1% of intelligent people"

"What do people say when you win a game in Egypt? Game, *Set,* and match."

"What do you call it when your having sex with a smart girl? Being in-genious"

"Midwife [handing my baby]: make sure you support his head Me: that's a really great, floppy little head you've got there. Well done"

"Moses and Joshua found a class of water in the fridge... They decided to split it."

"What's the fastest way to lose a few pounds? Exit the European Union."

"""I'm sorry. I haven't had sex for a very long time."" -- and other things I say during the meeting to excuse my bad behavior."

"Your first mistake was wearing heels in this dodgeball tournament, Jason. The second was thinking that they went with that dress."