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Joke of the Day

"Two condoms walk past a gay bar... One turns to the other and says 'Wanna go in there and get shit faced?'"

"I'm not needy. I'm wanty."

"I heard... ...terrorists are shouting ""allahu akbar!"" just out of habit while plugging their Samsung phones."

"Repeat after me: President Trump."

"I make all my clothing choices based on what I would look like if I'm unexpectedly asked to bounce on a trampoline at some point in the day."

"In Soviet Russia... You are in charge of Charles. (h/t Wife)"

"A second Limerick There was a young man from Nantucket, With a dick so long he could suck it, As he wiped of his chin, He said with a grin, If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it"

"Im not a lawyer But I do have a small private firm right now."

"Mother: ""Why are you home from school so early?"" Son: ""I was the only one who could answer a question."" Mother: ""Oh really? What was the question? Son: ""Who threw the eraser at the principal?"""

"A fake ID that says you're only 14 so you can get cheaper buffets"