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Joke of the Day

"I think I'm about to be molested by an alpaca... Today some guy on the street kept screaming at me to ""be ready for the alpaca lips"""

"*calls 911* Hey, I found some big guns. *Cops surround the house. I come outside flexing and get shot 263 times.*"

"Two fish are in a tank One says to the other: You man the guns, I'll drive."

"Didja hear that Hershey's is bringing out a new LGBT candy-bar? They're callin it a Lady Bruce."

"The scariest punchline to a long-running joke: ""Welcome to the Oval Office, President Trump!"""

"[INT. STARBUCKS - DAY] Me: Theres a large rat in the bathroom Barista: ? Me: A large rat Barista: ? Me: THERES A VENTI RAT IN THE BATHROOM"

"Nurse: Doctor there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown. Doctor: What does he call his other eye?"

"Im not sure who named the Gregorian calender ,probably some guy called Greg. Or Ian."

"The shame about ancient Grecian art... The shame about ancient Grecian art is that there are amazing marble sculptures and structures which too often get taken for granite."

"Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, ""You're next."" They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."