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Joke of the Day

"My fire alarm just went off because I took my shower. Ya, I know I'm hot when I'm naked, but come on now, let's all just calm down."

"What's the difference between a dirty old bus station and a lobster with boobs? One's a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean."

"""Daddy, where do babies come from?"" From mommies. ""How do they get inside?"" CAN'T U ASK WHY THE SKY IS BLUE HAVEN'T U WONDERED ABOUT THAT"

"My New Year's Resolution was to stop masturbating Well I guess there's always next year"

"My grandma sent the entire newspaper to me in the subject line of an email."

"So hypothetically speaking, what do you think is the scariest mask they would let me wear in line at the bank?"

"Don't worry, people who are sick of political tweets, every horror movies needs a few ""Nah, it's nothing"" types to raise the body count."

"What type of bagel can fly? A plain bagel!"

"I don't remember anything about being born, I must have been WASTED"

"What do you get when you sit on a potato? A potato wedge! (I made this up when I was 9)"