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Joke of the Day

"If you drop your phone in water, put it in a bowl of rice. At night the Asians will come and fix it for you."

"If a girl stabbed me on our first date, how many days should I wait to ask her out again?"

"""911 what's your emergency"" IM DYING ""what happened"" I GOT STABBED LIKE 3 TIMES ""lol pics or didn't happen"""

"My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM."

"I'm writinig a book.... It's called *""""Pop goes the hamster"" and other great microwave games""*"

"What did the clock say to the other clock after she gave him a handjob? now give me a second hand job"

"The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate."

"If you touch your computer in all the right places... You can turn it on"

"According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a ""street performance"". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you."

"Why are ships' portholes round? So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face."