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Joke of the Day

"How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb? One to change the bulb and one to provide suppressing fire."

"What did the woman say when she was diagnosed with cerebal palsy? Nothing, she was too disabled to speak"

"Lawyer: As My Lord knows,... Judge: Don't presume I know it, counsel. Lawyer: Beg pardon. *clears throat* As My Lord ought to know..."

"What's it called when you're anxious enough to be a Helicopter Mom, but really, really lazy? A Blimp Mom? Yeah, I'm that."

"*tries to play a skeletons ribs like a xylophone* SKELETON: you cant...it's not- this is a mischaracterization perpetuated by the media"

"Look, I don't know how else to put this but your baby is just hideous. We were all thinking it but I drew the short straw. More water?"

"Jesus Christ walks into a hotel As he walks in, he hands the inn keeper three nails and asks. ""Can you put me up for the night?"""

"You, my friend, deserve a high-five...that's four more fingers than I normally give."

"Did you hear about the farmer running the illicit sex ring? Apparently it was a pig fucking deal."

"That if you love them set them free thing, what if they all come back at once"