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Joke of the Day

"You, my friend, deserve a high-five...that's four more fingers than I normally give."

"Did you guys hear about the catastrophic genetic flower breeding program that tried to cross an aster and a daisy? It was a dais-aster."

"Does anybody know how can I send an enemy request on Facebook?"

"My wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall... I said maybe"

"What do a burnt pizza and a baby have in common? Some idiot pulled it out to late"

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Technically I pulled myself over, you only asked C: I know, right? They make us say it like that"

"My wife told me to stop making holocaust puns today Im telling Jew i did Nazi that coming"

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. You also miss 100% of the shots you do take because you suck at basketball."

"I accidentally watched 2 minutes of golf and my pants turned plaid!"

"GUY (whose car died): can u help me? I need a jump ME (pulling a trampoline out of my trunk): im always prepared for emergencies like this"