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Joke of the Day

"What's the definition of a good buddy? [NSFW] A guy that goes into town and gets two blow jobs. Then comes back and gives you one."

"The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread."

"Coworker: ""How'd you get that cut above your eye?"" Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* ""STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"""

"My grandfather, bless him, he can't really do what he used to Bomb the Germans."

"Everyone should learn sign language It's very handy"

"Yo momma so stupid She thinks NIckleback is a refund."

"I have a stepladder. I never knew my real ladder."

"This guy asked me to convert today... And I said, no, I'm happy with my current non-prophet organization"

"[furniture store] Wife: We're putting in a bar. Salesman: OK Wife: And... S: Yes? W: Go ahead, say it. Me: WE'RE GONNA NEED A STOOL SAMPLE."

"You're like a semicolon. I'm not sure exactly what to do with you."