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Joke of the Day

"Coworker: ""How'd you get that cut above your eye?"" Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* ""STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"""

"I don't wanna ruffle any feathers here, but... *blows gently on a baby duck*"

"Some people are doing stuff with their lives!! Let's mock them."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? ten-tickles"

"Wasn't wearing my glasses at the park and bent down to pet some guy's gym bag. How's your night going?!"

"Why do Spanish tests take so long? Because of all the ese questions."

"What's al-Qaeda's favorite football team? The New York Jets"

"It must be garbage truck mating season, judging from the sounds outside."

"What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self raising."

"All music classes were banned at my school... They said the classes encouraged too much sax and violins..."