72975

Joke of the Day

"[Kool-Aid Man breaks thru wall] Oh ya! [breaks 2nd wall] Oh ya! [3rd wall] OHHH YEAAHH! [breaks 4th wall] I've had many, many concussions"

"I used Apple Maps to find my girlfriend's clitoris Ended up licking a doorknob."

"What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungee cord? My ass. TL'DR - My ass."

"Mom filled up the refrigerator ... we could say that it had a pretty productive day."

"ADELE: hello from the outside ME (closing blinds): a restraining order means nothing to that woman"

"[park] STRANGER: Your dog is unusual looking ME: Yeah, he's interbred DUCK: [waddles up] I'll tell you who else is into bread"

"My house is the only one on our street with Christmas lights up I guess the rest of the neighbours are a bunch of Jews"

"It's the 20th anniversary of Infinite Jest and the 6th anniversary of my buying Infinite Jest and never getting around to reading it."

"Mother Banana: Why didn't you go to school today? Little Banana: Because I didn't peel well."

"My parents just said they want another child. ""I'd love a sibling!"" I said. ""That's not what we meant."" they replied."