136434

Joke of the Day

"I used Apple Maps to find my girlfriend's clitoris Ended up licking a doorknob."

"I give everyone nicknames because using real names is for people who can remember people's names."

"The Nokia 3310 was ahead of its time... Dust proof, water proof, had a nearly infinite battery life, indestructible, AND no audio jack!"

"Why would Adrian Peterson be a great baseball player? Because he's a switch hitter"

"I like my women like WTC7, going down for no reason, that's a conspiracy joke that 9/11 people won't get, it's an inside joke."

"My friend recently passed away after eating some poisonous mushrooms It's pretty sad, he was a really fungi!"

"Had my autobiography published last year and haven't sold one copy.... Story of my life."

"Full disclosure: all my tweets with less than 3 favs were made by my intern."

"I'll never understand dentists. They stab you with little metal hooks and then tell you ""Your gums wouldn't bleed if you flossed more""."

"Watch closely as the husband quietly approaches the calm children, riles them up into a frenzy, then slyly escapes to watch football."