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Joke of the Day

"diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don't wear any."

"Bank robber: EVERYONE BE CALM AND NO ONE GETS HURT Guy from back of room: IM DATING UR EX WIFE BR: [sobbing] ok only one person gets hurt"

"So I'm balls deep in this guys ass and I go ahead and try to give him a reach-around... And he was hard.. How fucking gay is that?"

"If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office... And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton."

"I entered 10 puns into a contest last week. Do you know how many won? No pun in ten did."

"When Spongebob has sex he wouldn't make the girl wet. He would dry her up."

"Worst thing about this Californian drought... ...the the state has lost its favorite, longest-running Rivers"

"What is Al Qaeda's Favorite Football Team? The New York Jets."

"What did the Dalai Lama say to the guy in the kebab shop? ""Make me one with everything."""

"What do a walrus and a tupperware container have in common? They both like a tight seal."