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Joke of the Day

"A guy walks into a bar and asks the guy across from him why his hands were all over his face: The guy across replies: ""Because I am a clock you drunk fuck."""

"What do a creationist and a dude with a dinosaur bone fetish have in common? They both get a hard on when they find a gap in the fossil record."

"What's the difference between Italian and Polish sausage? About 2-3 inches."

"What do you get when you cross a fag and a dairy farm? A Dairy Queen"

"What's easier to pick up the heavier it is? A girl."

"For some reason, Spanish-speaking visitors to Britain think we worship flight attendants... I suppose it's understandable given that our national airline is called British Heroes."

"Did you hear the one about the man who let a firework off on top of his head? He went out with a bang."

"What is the etymology of the word ""politics""? *Poli*, from the Greek *polloi*, meaning ""Many"". And *Ticks*, from English, meaning ""little bloodsucking creatures."""

"""What did you do today, mommy?"" ""I invented names, like 'Grand Theft Anal' and 'Mortal Cumbath"" on Twitter, and you?"""

"What do you call an angry psychiatrist? Therapissed."