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Joke of the Day

"I wish I could feed people I don't like to my cat."

"Chuck Norris was what Willis was talking about."

"Man and a duck... ...walk into a bar. ""ouch"" ""quack"""

"Now that I'm 40, it's time to put aside childish things and be a man lol just kidding I'm drawing pictures of raccoons flying spaceships."

"How big was the ant when it knocked over the table? giANT!!"

"Dad rocks,son shocked! Son - ""Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?"" Dad - ""Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."""

"Why did it take so long to see a picture of Saint West? Because he was a Tidal exclusive."

"Don't make fun of fat people; they have enough on their plate."

"I now have an EpiPen My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed really important that I have it, I will cherish forever."

"[Enters baby room late at night] *flicks switch* [baby's got a raccoon in a headlock] ""What the-"" DAD CLOSE THE DOOR THIS PUNK OWES ME MONEY"