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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally called it an eternity scarf instead of an infinity scarf and now I have to drink my Starbucks outside."

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"Hear about the state-of-the-art amputation device? All I know is it's pretty cutting edge..."
"What do turtles do for fun? Play hide and shell."
"I thought my son would be glad and appreciate that I got him a trampoline But nooo, all he does is sit and cry in his wheelchair all day"
"I'm sorry, you can't check your disobedient child on this flight. Guess you'll have to carry on your wayward son"
"What's the difference between God and Donald Trump? God doesn't think he's Donald Trump"
"Happy Halloween... may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong! "
"You need glasses when you do maths Because it helps with division. -Barbara from Rooster Teeth"
"""Stuff that alligator in that dolphin"" - God creating sharks"
"If we do end up colonizing Mars.. ..the WiFi there would be out of this world"